


and all i loved, i loved alone.

by Miaouu



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: 1900s, Alternate Universe - Historical, Alternate Universe - Royalty, Angst, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Blood and Gore, F/M, Forbidden Love, Gay Keith (Voltron), Graphic Description, Heavy Angst, Historical AU, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Inspired by Romeo and Juliet, Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Laith, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Pining Keith/Lance (Voltron), Pining Lance (Voltron), Post War, Self-Harm, Violent References, War, klance, klangst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:53:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25321207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miaouu/pseuds/Miaouu
Summary: In a world where he was taught to suffer and inflict suffering, how can he ever fall in love?He was never taught with a gentle hand nor with loving words that warmed your heart and the unconstrained world of Leondre McClain was as foreign as the stars. Yet the sea kept whispering salty melodies in his ears and the moon would dance through his dreams and everything in the universe would point him towards the embodiment of the sun.How can it be?
Relationships: Keith & Lance (Voltron), Keith/Lance (Voltron), Klance - Relationship, Laith - Relationship
Comments: 8
Kudos: 30





	1. Trapped in the dome with no stars.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I hope you enjoy reading this as much as i enjoyed writing it. If you like to listen to music whilst you read, i listened to a lot of Kino whilst i wrote some of this (Mainly a song called 'Bloom') i hope it sets the tone!

‘’You know it has to be done, Akira’’ explained Krolia.

They had departed from Marmora almost two days ago now and the tightness in their carriage had become unendurable. Their trip to Altea was worrisome for Akira as waiting at the end of it was an arranged marriage to the McClain's most beautiful asset and eldest daughter, Aurora.  
Akira sighs and places his head against the window, the vibrations of the moving coach travelling through his body. Marriage, to a McClain, what a stupid idea.  
‘’Akira, look at me.’’ Krolia orders, as she sits up in her seat. Her eyes glaring into the back of Akira’s head. Not even Akira dared defy his mother when she spoke like that. He sat up, turning his body to face her, dark eyes meeting dark eyes.

‘’What?’’

‘’Many people have given their life for this war.’’ a hint of grief in her voice, an unwritten rule of who she meant. Her husband, his father.  
‘’Marrying into the McClain family is an excellent way of ensuring a war…never happens again.’’ She stated.

Krolia was of course right, she was always right. Uniting the two families through the sanctity of marriage was brilliant. Something the two families had been discussing for months. The McClain’s had sent an elegant letter to them, inviting them to stay in Altea with them for a few days. The intention being that Akira and Aurora would be compatible and could be wed as soon as possible. Although truth be told Akira was never particularly good at getting along with people. He was irritable and distant, far from the loving warmth that the McClain’s were known for.

Akira nodded ‘’I know’’

Of course, he knew.  
They sat in silence for a couple more hours, Krolia knew her son adequately to leave well alone when he was like this. She had no doubt that Akira would do so much for Marmora, but he would not do it happily. He would merely do what was expected of him, just the way she had raised him.  
The smooth road eventually turned bumpy and after that It was not long until the fresh scent of the sea was dancing through the carriage. It was a smell new to Akira who was used to the smell of the forest and humid air, and he could not quite place it until he looked out of the window. Framed by the glass of the window, like a painting that took years, was the ocean. Miles and miles of bright blue ocean, calm on the surface but concealed a dormant strength. The beauty of it was overwhelming, so much so that Akira had to look away. He had never seen so much open space, his eyes were not blocked by trees nor buildings, he could see right to the end of the earth, like if he walked a mere few miles he could fall off.  
Before they knew it the carriage was pulling to a slow stop seemingly in the middle of the water. From just Akira’s window, you would believe you were in the clouds. It was impossible to tell where the sky stopped, and the sea began. Akira turned to look out of his mother’s window and there was the McClain's residence. Standing huge against the seascape, strong enough to withstand ocean winds and waves. He must have been gawking as his mother squeezed his hand back to his senses. To her son's trained eye, he could tell she was nervous, although she would never say it out loud.

‘’Never falter’’ she encouraged, tilting her head up elegantly. Which was her way of threatening Akira to be on his best and most sensible behaviour.

Akira watched as his door swung open, the coachman on the other side smiling courteously and he began to step down, planting both feet firmly on the tiled ground, after the days they had spent in transit it was pleasant to have his feet on stable land.  
‘’Thank you’’ he mumbled politely as the door was closed behind him.

Akira could see now that the sea practically engulfed them. Surrounded on all sides by the ocean, a natural defence against invaders. Maybe the McClain’s knew what they were doing when they built on this land. With this kind of fortifying defence the threat of war could hardly reach them. The only way in and out was a miles long cobble stone path followed by a beautiful white stone bridge embellished, of course, with beautiful blue mosaic tiles. He took a grounding breath and he turned to walk around the carriage, the castle slowly coming back into view. It was impressive, without question.

‘’Remember Akira, this is crucial. I do not want any difficulties nor wrongdoing on your behalf.’’

Akira nodded in response, his mother knew his temper for it was her own. However, disagreements once in the McClain house would patently result in the continuing of the war they so desperately wanted to end.

They both began to walk, side by side, towards the house. Standing at the door, waiting to greet them, was the entire McClain family. Wearing similarly coloured formal clothes was Lord And Lady McClain, The head of the house clothed in a simple blue waistcoat, and matching trousers and the Lady a white dress with similar coloured lace wrapping around the sleeves. Both daughters, Aurora and Giovanna adorned in clothes indistinguishable from their mother which blew together elegantly in the wind. But there, standing at the end was Leondre, wearing beige trousers held up by cobalt blue suspenders, much to his father’s dismay Akira was sure. Knowing Lord Alessandro McClain, he would have wanted everyone matching, but from Leondre's smug look, he was being defiant.  
Once they reached the top of the steps the tension was palpable. Standing face to face with the people who had ordered the deaths of so many Marmoran soldiers, including his father, was distressing to say the least. Lord McClain held out his hand to Krolia, the first handshake between the two families in generations and it seemed everyone waited with bated breath. A unified sigh of relief was audible when it was done.

‘’Well, Krolia, Akira. What a pleasure to meet you both’’ Lord McClain said with a formal nod ‘’I'm sure you know of my wife Gulia, and the children, Aurora, Giovanna and Leondre’’

Upon the announcement of their names each young daughter curtsied, a beautifully polite gesture. The pressure of trying to make a good impression was a heavy weight, especially with the woman who within a matter of days was to become his wife was standing a mere meter away from him. Leondre on the other hand, stood with a cloak of arrogance. I suppose it was to be expected from a man who looked like that, and Akira would never say it out loud but he was much taller than he had imagined him. As his grandmother would have said, that boy knew his worth.

‘’What peace we can bring to the people of both Altea and Marmora’’ Krolia recited. 

Lord McClain nodded in agreement.

‘’I am sure you are both exhausted, I do believe it is a long trip all the way from Marmora, I will have someone carry your bags up and show you to your rooms. We can discuss more pressing matters after you have settled in’’ He said with a smile.

And with that they were heading inside. They were quickly ushered into guest rooms on the first floor, much to his approval. It was nice to be alone at last.  
His room was similar to the rest of the castle, beautiful blues and expensive solid oak wood furniture. He looked around, admiring the detail in what would only be used on the rare occasion they even entertained guests. A huge king-sized bed sat in the middle of the room covered in crisp and freshly ironed white sheets with a lace trim. Beside the bed, on either side, were two beautiful and sturdy wooden oak tables carrying small plain lamps for a soft glow when it’s dark. An Empty chest of drawers was placed against the back wall, presumably for guests with a longer stay, so they could unpack and get comfortable. Yet, the most heavenly part of the room was right there staring back at him, floor to ceiling windows made with a beautiful oak frame which had a view of the ocean. Just a flat ocean. Akira was mesmerized, staring in awe at what could only be described as what heaven must look like. Moving towards the sea like it was his soulmate, calling him home.

‘’Just remarkable is it not?’’

Akira whips around, the low, sweet voice alarming him. To his surprise, Leondre was standing tall in the doorway. Grinning like he had just caught Akira doing something he shouldn’t be doing.  
‘’Sorry…what?’’

Leondre’s chuckle was light and laced with a hum of amusement as he took a few steps forward.  
‘’The ocean, it's beautiful’’ he repeated, taking another stride into the room.

Akria watched him carefully. This man had a reputation. Arrogant and conceited but a total prince charming. In fact, many ladies would often swoon at a mere mention of his name. Leondre was closer now and based on appearance alone he could see why he was the most sought-after aristocrat in Altea. This man was beautiful up close. He just held an air of wealth, good posture and importance. caramel skin and umber coloured hair, blue eyes that pierce you deeply. It was much to be desired.

‘’u-uh, yes, it is certainly impressive…’’ He confesses, turning back towards the window.

He could feel leondres gaze on him, it was quite intimidating. He felt nothing in comparison, His appearance, whilst suiting a dark more secretive life in the forest, was without a doubt not suited for here. All dull skin and unruly hair. Even his clothes breathed unkempt. Marmora was based entirely on survival and prowess, appearance was menial and absolutely not of high importance. Suddenly his simple loose fitting trousers and tucked in black shirt felt inadequate. He looked a mere shadow in this bright and airy room.

‘’It looks most beautiful at sunrise, it is like everything turns vermillion’’ Leondre adds

‘’I think I favour it now’’ Blue was not often a colour seen in Marmora. 

Leondre pauses a little. Akira knows he is being thorny; but this whole situation seems so difficult. Here he was, ending a long war by marrying someone he had never met whilst the enemy, or former enemy was trying to make idle chat.

‘’Do you swim?’’

‘’What?’’

‘’Do you swim?’’ He asks simply.

‘’Um, no. I do not’’

‘’You don’t know how?’’ he interrogates with a tilt of his head.

‘’No, I don’t’’

Leondre smirks as pearls of laughter begin to bubble from inside him and Akira can't deflect his indignant gaze. Was he laughing at him?

‘’I don’t understand how that is amusing’’ Akira says coldly, folding his arms over his chest. Afterall, Marmora isn’t surrounded by oceans and so there was never really a need to learn.

‘’It is just that, I wasn’t aware that the only thing preventing you from being indestructible, was your ability to float!’’ Leondre says with a smirk. Laughter erupting from his gut with a mocking tone.

Akira takes a step closer to Leondre, his stance ready for a confrontation.

‘’I’ll have you know I am a great warrior and-‘’

‘’Akira?’’ Krolia interrupts, her hand still held up as if she were about to knock at the door frame. Akira was caught.

‘’I am sure Lord McClain would like to go over some arrangements with us…’’ She explains, her voice stern and unyielding. No doubt going over in her head about the lecture she plans to give him when they are in private. ‘You must control your temper’ or ‘at least try to make a good first impression’ he could already hear her saying.

‘’Of course…’’ Akira replies, he would just have to approach the subject with Leondre later.

‘’I would be pleased to show you to his office if you need?’’ Leondre asks. His tone now sickly sweet, undoubtedly attempting to keep Krolia content.

‘’How polite of you! Thank you.’’

And with that, Leondre leads the way. They walk in uncomfortable silence, winding down identical corridors until they finally reach another door, at the end of another hallway. Indistinguishable from all the others excluding the Name ‘A.L.C McClain’ engraved on a gold plate and mounted on the wall. You wouldn’t find fancy touches like this in the Kogane estate.

‘’That is eminently kind of you’’ Krolia uttered, Akira could tell she was playing the part she was expected to play, overly gracious and courteous. And he could tell that she was getting increasingly frustrated with his lack of ability to do the same. Shooting him a glare with the obvious message for him to convey his gratitude as well. 

‘’Thank you’’ Akria said, palpable annoyance on his face.

Despite the obvious lack of appreciation on Akiras behalf, Leondre seemed satisfied and turned on his heel to walk back down the corridor.

‘’You are very welcome…’’ He replied, shooting a self satisfied wink. Undeniably triumphant with the annoyance he had just caused. For the sake of Marmora, Akira would have to keep level headed. But boys like that, complacent, charming, and childish were his Achilles heel in regards to his temper.

Upon entering the room, it was clear that Lord McClains office was more like a library than a workspace. Floor to ceiling bookshelves overflowing with a myriad of first editions and handwritten scriptures of some worth. But the air was stifling in the room like a tent on a warm day, which was so unlike the rest of the castle which had a refreshing ocean aroma.  
As it happens Lord McClain was hoping to meet with them as soon as they had settled into their rooms. So as they approached his desk, which sat adjacent to the only windows in the room, he seemed pleased to see them.

‘’Ah!’’ he exclaimed ‘’Please, take a seat! ‘’ he smiled with an air of arrogance.

He invited both Krolia and Akira to sit, with a wave of his hand, on the rather uncomfortable hard wood chairs opposite his desk. ‘I am thrilled that we have come to this agreement’’ he guffaws.

‘’As are we’’ Krolia adds

‘’Both Marmora and Altea are such powerful communities, imagine the power when united’’

‘’Yes…well, this war must end. Too many deaths for the sake of vanity’’

‘’indeed’’

Lord McClain glances at Akira, ‘’I'm sure you must be pleased, I'll have you know my daughter is the most sought after bachelorette in all Altea, I assure you you, you could not find any better’’ He says, the arrogance in his voice dripping from every syllable.

‘’I am sure you say it with good intentions sir, but that is a little biased...Don't you agree?’’ He asks sceptically. He just cannot help himself.

The change in Lord McClain's expression is palpable, from one of pomposity to one of displeasure, and for most of the meeting Lord McClains annoyance is obvious, both he and Krolia could scrape the tension off the walls with a knife. He went on to outline superficial agreements needed in a betrothal. Such as the house they would have to reside once married, and how both families must make public appearances regularly in order to keep the peace. His whole future organized and ready to go, everything but his consent is planned.  
After what felt like an eternity of both Krolia and Lord McClain discussing him like he wasn’t there, there was a polite knock at the door.

‘’You asked for me?’’

There she was…Aurora. Standing in the doorway, hands crossed in front of her long white lace dress. Akira must have distanced himself from the conversation so long that he missed Lord McClain asking one of his many maids to fetch her.  
She walks further into the room, slowly and delicately as a lady should. Gliding along the floor until she sat at the seat placed next to Akira.

‘’How do you do?’’ She asks, turning in her chair slightly to face Akira courteously.

‘’Pleased to meet you’’ he replies, holding his hand out in a gracious gesture. Taking her hand and shaking it gently.

Lord McClain was right, and she was everything a lady should be. Just one problem; He did not want to marry her. When the meeting was finally over, the sun had started to set, letting the whole room be coated in a layer of rust coloured sunset. Lord McClain concluded their meeting with a short utterance of boring platitudes and by giving himself a pat on the back for being such an outstanding individual who is uniting the country. Akira could barely contain his disdain for such a man who could be so boastful for ending a situation that he actively contributed to continuing. Regardless, he thanked him kindly for his ‘help’ and both himself and Krolia left hastily, leaving Aurora to converse with her father alone.  
The walk back to their rooms was quiet, both their minds were weary from such a demanding meeting. They were told that dinner would be held at around 7 in the main dining hall, but were encouraged to rest after their long day. Even Krolia couldn’t ignore the aching that was starting to make itself known in their bones.

‘’Get some rest, Akira’’ she encouraged as they approached the door to his guest room. ‘’I don’t appreciate your contemptuous remarks today, you must try harder.’’ Words sharp like a needle, exactly what he expected, and he was sure if she wasn't so tired a more passionate lecture would ensue. But as their long day draws to a close, only a few bitter remarks is all she can bring herself to do.

‘’I understand, goodnight mother’’ Akira uttered quietly, before entering defeat into his own room.

Just like the office his room was covered in a layer of beautiful warmth from the setting sun, barely visible over the ocean now. Akira entered the bathroom through the small door by the windows. Just like the rest of the room it was beautifully decorated. Marble floors and oak wooden features layed out flawlessly. The bath itself stood alone, like a centrepiece, in the middle of the room. Ready to ease his sore muscles from a long day, he turned on the taps to the bath, and just watched as the water cascaded into the pristine tub. After laying out his sleep attire on the bed, he finally could relax. Undressing from the clothes of his strenuous day and easing himself into the water. Pale skin coated entirely in warmth…  
Akira woke up the next morning feeling unexpectedly rested, the crisp sheets tangled up in his legs and the heat of the sun already warming his exposed skin. He had hoped to catch the sunrise this morning, remembering Leondre's words about it being most beautiful at that time, but his body undeniably needed the rest, so he wouldn’t complain. Just as he closed his eyes once more the gentle knock at his door summoned him fully alert once again.

‘’Y-yes?’’ he grumbled, his vocal cords weak from hours of sleep.

‘’Akira, it's me. May I enter?’’

‘’mmmh’’ he mumbled affirmatively crashing his head back to the pillows as Krolia swung open the door and closed it behind her.

‘’Are you sick? Akira, it's not like you to sleep in this late’’ She said, before going to the windows and gently opening the pearl coloured curtains the rest of the way, bringing the last of the shadows in the room to light.

‘’Just tired’’ Akira uttered, finally swinging his bare legs off the bed and placing them on the floor. ‘’how late is it?’’ he asked curiously, his voice sprinkled with sleep.

She paused and smiled ‘’It's only 7’’ she said with a warmth to her voice. ‘’But, it's been years since i've been awake before you’’ she added with a chuckle, recalling times when even as a child Akira would be ready for the day at dawn.

Akira hummed softly in reply, before softly rubbing his drowsy eyes and shuffling towards the bathroom.

‘’I just wanted to let you know, I have another meeting with both the lord and lady of the house today…’’ She paused, tucking a stray piece of hair back behind her ear and shuffling with a slight hint of apprehensiveness before adding ‘’This might be a good opportunity to acquaint yourself with Lady Aurora?’’

He turned to face Krolia and nodded with a synthetic and rehearsed smile, one he had learned long ago to keep the peace between them. Many years ago his temper would have had him arguing until his voice was raw, but he had not the energy for that these days. 

‘’Akira, I am well aware this is not what you want. But please try to-’’ She began to argue 

‘’-Be more convincing’’ he finished with scorn as he turned towards the bathroom. ‘Don’t dwell, mother, i have no intention of causing arguments’’ he said as he closed the door to the bathroom. Whilst he knew Krolia was hardly reprehensible for the circumstances, she just happened to be the messenger, and well, Akira could play the role for the others but not for his mother.

Once he was dressed in his usual black shirt tucked into similarity matching trousers he leisurely navigated his way to the breakfast hall. The huge room was full of gleaming sun rays from the rising sun. It had two double doors, open and leading right out onto a terrace overlooking the calm seas below. Laid out on the table in the center of the room was a myriad of deliciously cooked breakfast foods, pancakes, French toast, and probably the most colourful fruit salad he had ever laid his eyes on. Akira had never known such an opulent way to begin the day. 

‘’Good Morning sir~’’ He hears from behind him, 

‘’Leondre’’ he says formally, turning to face him, Slightly vexed that he could already recognise Leondre's honeyed voice. Similarly to himself, Leondre was already dressed. He was clothed in umber coloured trousers with an off white shirt tucked in. The shirt hung loosely off his tanned shoulders, blatantly a few sizes too big for him, revealing his bronzed collarbones. And was...was he covered in glitter? Seriously?

‘’What...no good morning? Kogane, I'm hurt’’ He said mockingly, holding his hand to his chest and feigning a dagger through his heart as he continued to walk towards him. 

Akira shook his head, looking away from him. 

‘’I don't see much good about it’’

‘’Are you always this melancholy?’’ He asked with his usual burning curiosity. His head tilted subconsciously. 

‘’I am.’’ Akira replied quickly. He began to walk towards the terrace doors. Some fresh air was needed after being in a room with Leondre, as if the vanilla and ocean scent coming from him wasn't enough to have him flying out the door, the idea of having his disposition questioned this early in the morning (or at any other point in the day for that matter) was not on his list of pleasures.

‘’Have you eaten?’’ Leondre asks, starting to grab at various bowls and plates of colourful dishes and stuffing what looked like some kind of strawberry in his mouth. 

‘’I am not hungry.’’ 

‘’Probably for the best. I believe Aurora intends to take you riding to see the grounds, and for your ears only, the McClain horses do not provide a smooth ride.’’

Akira scoffed and continued towards the terrace, stepping out onto a beautifully crafted balcony, hand carved concrete banisters with delicate blue and white mosaic tiles mimicking frothy waves along the base. Akira once again felt himself entranced by the sea. It was like an incubus and he was an unsuspecting dreamer. 

‘’I could teach you.’’ Leondre said, taking his place beside Akira. ‘’To swim I mean’’ he added, taking another mouthful of white peeled grapes from the palm of his hand and tipping them luxuriously into his mouth. ‘’I've never seen anyone look at the ocean the way you seem to do…’’ he added between chews. 

‘’I don't really have much of a need to learn. All of our wars take place on land so it's hardly likely I'm to drown’’ Akira said effortlessly, his candid way of speaking never failing to get to the point. 

‘’And you don't believe pleasure is a sufficient reason to?’’

‘’I...i had never really given that much thought’’ Akira replied slowly. Leondre had broken right into the depths of him with ten simple words. Pleasure had never been at the forefront of life for him, afterall it was always about war, and with himself being encouraged to fight alongside his army he had never really considered the idea that he would have to entertain himself with a more menial way of life once the fighting ceased. Afterall, up until recently it wasn't in his plans to live to see the end of the war, whether admittedly by his own doing or not. 

‘’I am always around the castle if you do choose to let me teach you.’’ He smiled wide and his voice was clear of any mocking tone. He turned to leave, grabbing another handful of fruit from the table as he did so. That was the first time Leondre McClain, youngest child of the aristocratic McClain dynasty, seemed to fracture Koganes' impossible facade, and Akira couldn't help but watch him, mouth agape as he left the room.

Just as Leondre had mentioned, Aurora did intend to take him riding around the grounds. Aurora, as polite as ever, insisted that he took the most beautiful black horse. Its coat was so silky that it shimmered like wet against the sparkling ocean. Akira could not help but be thankful that it matched his aesthetic, as vain as it sounded. They had begun to follow the path leading away from the house, it was made from the most amazing stones, each handled with care to form the mile long path to and from the McClain estate. The rocky path shimmered from the salt left there after being covered by the water in the early hours of the morning.

‘’My lord, we must be careful to be back at the house before the sun sets, '’ Aurora informed, elegantly riding side saddle atop her chestnut coloured horse. 

‘’Please, address me as Akira’’ he stated. 

‘’Well, Akira’’ She said, his name sounding out of place in her mouth, but spoken sweetly nonetheless, ‘’The tide comes in, you see, blocking the path at the end of the day. It would be quite a pain to journey back once it has done so’’ 

‘’I see’’. What a brilliant defence in war.

‘’Are you a good swimmer, Akira?’’ she asks softly. If it wasn't for her innocent smile he could have sworn that Leondre must have told her the ‘amusing’ story.

‘’The water is my Achilles heel, I'm afraid’’ he said monotonously. 

They continued to ride, the cobbled path below the horses made it tricky to keep balanced as they moved. Akira missed the soft, earthy grounds of the forest back in marmora which he so effortlessly rode across. By the time they had reached a less treacherous path the sun was at its peak in the sky. Shining brightly between intermittent grey clouds and their idle chat had long since fallen quiet. The horses rode more smoothly on the soft dirt path towards the village and for a second he wondered if Leondre realised that it wasn't the horses at fault but rather the rocky terrain below their hooves. Aurora led him through one of the many villages surrounding her home, he believed it went by the name of Lunaris. Aurora explained it got its name from the way the moon shines atop the sea at night, providing beautiful reflected glow into the town. 

‘’The moon is so bright here that the town is just as awake at Altea's darkest hours!’’ she had enthused. 

Ever the cynic, Akira could not help but feel a spectacle. Many Altean's had taken to the streets to see the glorious Lady Aurora riding through, her dress flowing in the wind and her hair tied so fittingly, princess style down her back. Their eyes wandered to the man who accompanied her, who was undoubtedly from Marmora, all dressed in black and riding the horse like a warrior in battle. He was sure the wedding was known in all Altean villages but the townsfolk looked like they were ready to hang him from the tallest oak. The fighting had ceased upon the announcement of the two houses arranging a truce but tensions between both houses was still very much alive. Most of the adults had grown up hating the opposing side and had taught their kids to believe the same. People hated each other for a reason most could not remember, it was theorised that it was likely some economic dealing gone wrong. All people seemed to be fighting for now was so that the people already dead from war did not die in vain.

Although the village was small, and they could only have been there for a few minutes, He felt a huge relief when they were finally gone. And for the first time since they had set out this morning he could see where Aurora was leading him. You see, Lunaris was a mere stepping stone to see the real beauty of Altea. He found himself dismounting the horse with ease, taking great pleasure in the relaxing feeling in his thighs and groin. Aurora had taken him to a hill. No a Cliff. She had taken him to the edge of the world. A precipice that overlooked the ocean, as everything seemed to do in Altea. It must be almost two in the afternoon now and the sun was bright over the water. The dancing water glistened just the way leondre’s shoulders had at breakfast. 

Aurora let out a simple giggle, walking to where he was standing. He must have moved forward intuitively because he was closer to the edge now. 

‘’Leondre had said you stare at the ocean like that’’ she admitted, holding her hands behind her back.

‘’It is magical’’ He said with ease, ignoring the idea that the McClain siblings must discuss him when he isn't there. 

‘’Father says that...if you’d like…’’ She paused. Now playing the hem of her sleeve with her delicate fingers. ‘’He says that this is where we would marry.’’ 

Oh. He had almost forgotten that there was such an arrangement, afterall the ocean was all he could think of. He looks down before looking to Aurora who, in his silence, had taken to biting her nails anxiously. It wasn't like a lady to do such a thing. 

‘’Is that what you would like?’’ he asked gently. The sound of the wind all that could be heard atop the cliff. He could jump, right now, if he really wanted to. Be engulfed by the sea below, he could feel so free down there, he was sure. The was absolutely nothing holding him back-

‘’It is.’’ 

‘’Then it shall be’’ he smiled. His outside posterior is as smooth as a porcelain doll.

Their ride back to the Altean estate was calm, at least more so than it had been on the way there. Akira was seldom good at reading between the lines when it came to people. He couldn't tell you how Aurora was feeling nor what she felt about marrying him. He deemed it likely that she felt similarly to him, but it was an unwritten rule that they must not talk ill of the decision made between their parents, so the subject could never be raised between them. 

The sun was low as they reached the safety of the cobblestone path, it was falling almost beneath distant mountains and he began to regret his decision to skip breakfast. The low growling of his stomach was hard to ignore. As they made their way along the path, water had indeed begun to close in, now pooling gently around the horses hooves. His thoughts were broken when pearls of laughter escaped from Aurora's lips. He looked up to find her staring, quite intently. 

‘’I can hear your hunger from here!’’ she exclaimed, smiling brightly. Her face glowing from the light of the setting sun. ‘’Maybe i should have packed a picnic…’’ she added.

‘’No no, it's quite alright…’’ He enthused, attempting to cut off her guilt before it had even time to manifest. ‘’I merely am hoping your father hopes to hold a banquet tonight.’’ he added with a simple laugh.

‘’Oh yes. He takes pride in his food. I am sure you will be pleased.’’ 

Judging from the feast at breakfast he did not doubt her...

Aurora guided him as they took the horses to the McClain stables, they gave them some well deserved hay and brushed their coats together. He was thankful to be standing on his two feet again after today's adventure, his groin grimly aching from the saddle. He heard the approach of Aurora behind him, her delicate stride not quiet enough for his warrior trained ear, placing her small hand upon his shoulder she smiled giving off a satisfied hum.

‘’I adored today, Akira’’ she says in her usual formal tone. ‘’I do hope you feel alike.’’

She didn't seem to wait for a response, or perhaps Akira failed to give one, but regardless she had already turned on her heel and was halfway up the path towards the house before he realised.

Akira was left alone at last. The peace of the quiet rolling waves and soft winds that come from being beside the sea were pleasurable to his ear and quite honestly to his soul. After placing the brushes away, he stepped out of the stables and into the evening twilight. The last of the sun's rays have dissipated now, leaving the sky grey from the early moonlight. Some light was offered from the tiny pearls of starlight as they reflected against the water which, on high tide, was only a stone's throw away from the stables. The night air wasn't inhospitable either, nor was it biting, it was pleasant enough, and the breeze exceedingly welcomed after today. Akira was not the unconstrained sort by any means, in Fact, quite the opposite, he thrived on order and habit. But it couldn't hurt to just feel the water against his feet, even toddlers could paddle in shallow waters. He sat on the lush grass, removing both his boots and socks and placing them neatly together. His feet were blistered and raw, not an uncommon sight for a soldier, but still not pleasing to the eye. He walked slowly. Taking small steps, being careful to avoid tumultuous ground. He stood where the small waves could reach, letting them lap at his feet, letting the water dance over his tired toes which embraced the cool wetness. As a man who was brilliant at habitual time keeping he really couldn't say how long he stood there for, but he realized that the light that used to come from the low sun was now only provided from the soft glow of the stables, he supposed it was adequate enough to see by but-

‘’So this is where you have been hiding?’’

His head whips round abruptly enough to pull a muscle in his neck, startled that he hadn't even heard anyone approaching his new found private spot. 

‘’Do you always sneak around?’’ He huffed, trying to conceal his earlier disconcertment, afterall warriors shouldn't be frightened by a boy covered in glitter.

‘’Only when you're around, sir’’ he mocked, standing beside Akira with a lopsided grin. ‘’I was sent to retrieve you, Aurora was inclined to believe you had gotten lost’’

‘’Lost?’’ he questioned ‘’You can see the castle from here…’’ he said, pointing comedically to where the house was located, only about 40 or so paces from where they stood concealed in the night. 

Leondre laughed, sudden and carefree ‘’I suppose she believes you to have run away.’’ he comments after taking a composing breath.

Did she think that he would abandon the deal? She couldn't, could she? He knew he may have been possibly a little apathetic on their outing today but she couldn't possibly think he would let the war continue, just to live the life of a maverick. 

‘’D-do i give the impression I would abandon the marital agreement?’’ he asked, arms crossed over his chest in an attempt of feigning comfort. 

Leondre looks at him and shakes his head ‘’I suppose not.’’ 

They fall quiet, nothing but the whispers of the waves danced in their ears. The silence between them wasn't ghastly, nor unenjoyable. In fact, it felt rather peaceful to be beside someone without having to display his aristocratic facade, afterall Leondre was a mere boy, just like himself. He heard Leondre inhale and exhale above the sound of the breeze. Akira looked down to the gentle waves, noticing Leondre was also wearing no shoes, his feet bare against the ground and his trousers rolled up to show just a slither of golden brown ankle. Did he often walk around the castle in such a blasé manner? 

‘’I suppose…’’ Leondre begins, turning his head to the stars, pale eyes glowing below the cloudless sky. ‘’What i mean to say is...I wouldnt condemn your decision to leave’’ 

‘’You wouldn't?’’

‘’I wouldn't.’’ he turns his head to Akira, his face displaying utter sincerity. ‘’Your whole future in being dismantled before your eyes to marry a woman who is...well she is beautiful and utterly well endowed and...and… the marriage would ensure peace but...’’ he paused, his lips revealing more than his mind would want of him. 

Akira couldn't help but laugh, was this man seriously somewhat of a heart throb to the ladies of Altea. Maybe he was until he opened his mouth. 

‘’You're laughing?’’ Leondre asked confoundedly. 

‘You talk too much.’’ Akira stated. ‘’...And I hardly think it's worth discussing, nothing is to be done. I am to marry and the war is to end. That is all there is to it.’’ 

‘‘And that is what you want?’’ 

‘’You speak too much of want.’’

Leondre was quiet again, maybe he was too hard-hearted with him. Afterall, Leondre most likely hoped to comfort him and support his obvious feelings of apprehensiveness and disdain for the arrangement, but it was dangerous territory for a Kogane to talk about feelings. For him it is not the done thing. 

‘’Then i shan't speak...’’ Leondre said childishly, interrupting his thoughts. ‘’...I shall teach you’’ He pouted. He began untucking his flowing shirt from his trousers and pulling it elegantly over his head before flinging it to the side on the grass. His chest was bare, golden brown even under the pale light of the moon. 

‘’Wha-’’

‘’No talking, you’ll be easier to teach if you keep your lips sealed’’ He said playfully as he unbuttoned his trousers, sliding them down his legs and tossing them along with his shirt to the side. Leondre was left clothed in just his loose fitting undergarments which began just below his belly button and reached to his strong thighs. A creamy white against mahogany skin.

‘’I do not understand’’ Akira said finally, keeping his eyes on a dandelion which had suddenly become impossibly interesting. His clothes felt restricting against his skin. The linen of his shirt, usually such a breathable fabric, had made his skin feel clammy. He wondered if Aurora would be this desirable with her clothes removed.  
‘’I am going to teach you to swim.’’ Leondre revealed, after what felt like minutes of his intentions being kept secret. ‘’Now, the first rule of swimming is clothes weigh you down…’’ He said, gesturing to Akira’s body. ‘’So remove them’’ 

‘’Is it not too dark to swim?’’

‘’No’’

‘’Then it is too cold?’’

‘’Your feet do not appear to be frost bitten’’

‘’Then-’’

‘’Are you scared?’’

‘’Wha- of course not!’’ 

‘’Well then?’’

Akira turned away from him with a huff, his face heated with anger, or was it from blushing? It was impossible to tell. He removed his trousers first, letting his shirt cover the last shred of dignity he had. He folded his trousers, placing them in a neat pile just out of the water's reach, he had too much self respect to just fling them to the ground as Leondre did. Once his shirt was also removed he turned around again, facing leondre in his similar undergarments. His torso was stained with scars from battle, both against Altea and some from more personal vindictive altercations. If Leondre noticed them, he never said anything, he probably assumed it was a sore subject to raise. 

Leondre waded into the water without delay, his body engulfed by the threatening water like he was invincible to its dangerous depth. He seemed so peaceful in the ocean, gliding like melting sorbet on a hot plate sometime in mid July. He swam a little ways into the water, not inordinately far at all but it was too dark to see clearly, so any distance between them meant they were swallowed up by the thick night. 

‘’Are you coming in? ’he heard a voice question ‘’Let the water nip at your elbows, then i can help you…’’ Leondre continued. 

Akira took a step forward, his movements hesitant and slow, like that of a toddler attempting to walk. The water was warm against his skin and It did not take him long to let the water rise on his body, the water now licking the pearlescent skin of his stomach. His lower half was completely engulfed by the refreshing brine. The ocean felt heavy against his legs as he stepped, the water on the surface was calm and gave no indication of its resistant strength below. Leondre moved with such ease that you couldn't possibly think the water could be so forceful. 

‘’I’m not sure I can go any further, Leondre’’ Akira calls, his voice concealing a rising panic as the solid ground under his feet had evolved into smooth and slippery sand. He was sure the ground beneath would become treacherous quick sand and swallow him whole before he even got a chance to swim.

‘’Here, hold my hand’’ Leondre said with ease, reaching his arm to meet Akira’s. His hand was warm and wet, his skin soft against Akiras calloused, sword wielding fingers. Leondre had pianist hands, fingers that could reach even the most intricate of chords. ‘’My mama always said the first rule to swimming is keep your chest puffed full of air.’’ He pulled Akiras hand gently and guided him into the water ‘’you couldn't possibly drown with air in your lungs, because air always floats.’’ He said it with such calmness, such ease, that for a second even Akira felt contented with the idea of floating. 

‘’I can't’’

‘’Of course you can’’

‘’I-I can't’’

‘’Then just lay your head back, i shan’t let you drown’’ Leondre said tenderly. 

The waves were gentle now, as he lay on his back suspended under the stars. Leondres hands hoverd just under the small of his back shielded under the water, keeping him safe and steady. It was hard to tell how much of the floating he was doing alone, and he was certain that if leondre withdrew his hands he would be swallowed by the water. The night sky was spattered with tiny traces of fairy dust which gave off a small glow, of which the reflection could be seen atop the water as it flowed in waves continuously towards the shore. He felt a simple happiness he hadn't felt in a long time, not the kind of happiness he would get from a victorious battle. No, this was much more primal than that, the kind of feeling that there was nowhere in the world that he needed to be, other than right here, right now. 

‘’How do you feel?’’ leondre questioned, his face partly blocking out the radiant moon from Akiras position below him. Akira studied his face, his eyelashes held droplets of brine and his unblemished skin looked as lovely as the sun must have looked to Icarus. 

‘’Happy’’ he replied simply, he figured he could reward leondre with an uncomplicated answer. 

Leondre smiled down at him, his dampened hair falling into his eyes, ‘’I am pleased’’ he said with a guileful grin.

They stayed a while in comfortable silence, floating in the abyss. Akira could only tell that time had passed by the increase in the heaviness of his eyelids. He decided that he liked swimming with Leondre, if this was even considered swimming. Finally, it seemed, the tide had started to withdraw, the water retiring for the night, leaving Akira and leondre in water that, when standing, would only touch their knees. He supposed the weariness was getting harder and harder to ignore.  
They began to dress, sliding on dry clothes over their damp skin and placing pruned feet back into boots. 

‘’I do hope my mother is not worried’’ Akira mentions, as both he and leondre begin the walk back up to the castle. ‘’She would have been expecting me back with Aurora.’’ he adds

‘’I believe your mother has been visiting surrounding villages to help solidify the union. She probably won't be back as of yet.’’ 

‘’I see.’’ Akira said lightly, his voice smooth and relaxed. 

‘’And I'm afraid we have missed the evening meal. We can head through the kitchen and fetch you some supper, if you want?’’ 

Akira nodded politely ‘’Absolutely! I'm half starved!’ he enthused, his hunger was forgotten whilst floating under the stars but he was now reminded of the hollowness within. His tiresome day was finally pestering him as he continued to drag his feet.

They did indeed enter through the kitchen, and although it was well into the evening most of the staff still remained pottering about and finishing up their duties. The air was sultry in the room, the lingering smell of starch, smoke and rosemary played havoc on his nose, which by now had gotten used to the smell of the night breeze. The room was simple, as most kitchens were, and was lined with polished oak cupboards and counters. The stone floor beneath his feet made for loud footsteps which echoed through the high ceilings and the dying embers of a once roaring fire was just white noise in the background.

‘’Good Evening, ladies!’’ Leondre sang, stealing a small bite of something unfamiliar from the leftovers on the table in the middle of the room. 

‘’Leondre, my dear!’’ one lady exclaimed, taking upon herself to scrub some of the dirt off his golden cheek. ‘’Where on earth have you been!’’

‘’Your father is looking for you, sir!’’ another informed. 

It wasn't like the upper class aristocrats to mingle with the help, in truth, he would have never thought that Leondre of all people would endure such menial and degrading interactions. The staff he and his mother owned at home in Marmora were well cared for and kept in outstanding conditions but he himself couldn't address a single one by name nor was he expected to. 

Akira once again felt a mere shadow in the room, the staff barely noticed him and paid him no mind as they indulged leondre in kind words and motherly kisses. 

‘’Then i shall go to him’’ Leondre said with a half hearted and contrived smile, attempting to escape the gaggle of women forming around him. He turned to Akira who stood as though he were the broken statue of Ozymandias, isolated from the crowd. ‘’This is Sir Akira Kogane.’’ He was used to being introduced in such a formal way, but the sugary sweet way it fell off Leondre lips was new to him. ‘’I must insist that you feed him and then assist him to his room once he has consumed a sufficient amount of wine!’’ he said with a bouncing voice and a commanding swish of his finger. 

The ladies were more than delighted to oblige Leondre's request, taking Akiras hands into their own and guiding, nay pushing, him to the lone char sat at the table. 

‘’Mama will take care of you’’ Leondre said, placing his arms round the shoulders of a pink and plump woman. Her hair the colour of homemade marmalade which fell like syrupy curls around her freckled face. Her visage was kind and wrinkled from hours spent laughing and her eyes seemed tired but cheerful. 

‘’Oh ye braw thing!’’ She cried, her voice whimsical and joking, coating the room in love. Leondres smile was beaming, he must regard her highly. ‘’Let’s get yer some supper’’ she continued, heading over to the aga and beginning to spoon something into a bowl. 

‘’I must meet with my father now, will you be okay alone?’’ Leondre asked gently, his voice for Akiras ears only. 

Akira nodded simply in response.

‘’Very well.’’ he replied, turning quickly on his heel and leaving the kitchen, flattening his hair as he did so. He noticed that Leondre so very quickly turned from a boy to a man when faced with his duties as the son of a lord, and Akira wondered just how many people got to see him with his dishevelled hair and mud stained cheek. He wished now that he had uttered some gratitude to Leondre for being so good. Too good for him. 

‘’ ‘ere ya are, laddie!’’ The lady said, returning to the table and placing a small bowl of starchy looking soup and a sandwich beside him. ‘’Eat up, yer have th’ arms o’ a wee lassie!’’ she said with jest. 

‘’Thank you...er..’’

‘’Please, call me Mama. Everybody does’’ her voice slow and calming. 

‘’Thank you, Mama’’ The words don't flow easily from his mouth, but he felt warmth and comfort from them nonetheless. 

Once he had devoured not one but two large bowls of the delicious soup, he was ready to retire for the night, and after uttering an exhausted farewell to Mama and the other ladies he took leave to his room. His eyes were heavy and the calling of relief was too beautiful for them to neglect. He fell asleep in his clothes with the saltiness still on his skin. 

...He was home again, enveloped by the earthy and humid smell. The smell of dirt and grass and blood. He didn't want to be there, not for hate of his home nor for hate of his people, but for a disconsolate feeling of growing lonesomeness that was brought with it. A home that was no longer a home since the death of his father, who carried all the love and warmth of the family. The walls were damp, and the air was dry and he longed for the coolness of the sea. He longed for the rolling waves and saltiness on his tongue. He longed for the warmth of delicate fingers on his skin, caressing his back so he would never have a fear of drowning again.... 

He found that his dreams were the cage and actuality was the sweet release, so the next morning he was awake before the sun.


	2. How close are the dogs?

‘’I heard that your Marmoran soldiers are more skilled in close range swordsmanship, as opposed to our traditional archery’’ Aurora had said, as she poured piping tea into his cup. She had insisted that Mama served their morning tea in their most ostentatious china tea set. 

‘’Yes, we are much more suited to that way of fighting’’ He agreed ‘’I cannot say i have ever shot an arrow in battle.’’ he said with feigned interest. The proceedings of the war and stories of what can transpire on the frontlines of the battle fields were somewhat of a mystery to the McClain family. He presumed It was more than likely that Aurora had never even seen the blood of a soldier spilled in battle, nor looked someone in the eyes as life faded from them.

‘’Oh do tell me something of your time fighting, Akira’’ She said with guileless interest. He hands clapped against her knees as she sat up expectantly in her chair. 

He was perplexed as to what to say, he couldn’t possibly tell her that sometimes there was so much blood soaked into the grass of the field that your feet would tread along the ground like you were walking in honey. And the screams of fearful men would be ripped from their throats as arrows were shot through their eye sockets and all you could do was try not to watch as they writhed in agony. She would lie sleepless at night if she knew that your hands would be slippery from sweat, and from fear, and from hours upon hours of endless battle that when you finally take your chance to rest, you would look to your hands to find there was no sweat there at all. Only drying blood from your kill. 

‘’I’m afraid there is not much to tell’’ He lied.

‘’Oh you jest!’’ she said playfully ‘’Alteans have long known you fight alongside your men at nearly all of the major battles, you must be full of stories’’ This was true, infact their success in battle could be given to this reason alone. Akira knew that all soldiers fought with feigned bravery but most fought with their heart when their leaders had enough faith in their skills to stand with them.

‘’Not many that would be appropriate to tell a lady such as yourself’’ he said, leaning in to take a sip from his cooling tea. ‘’Nor other men for that matter…’’ 

‘’Are they truly dreadful?’’ She asked

‘’Truly’’ He replied. 

‘’So you have killed in battle?’’

‘’I have’’

She paused, taking a long sip from her cup, before placing it gently back down on its saucer with a clink. ‘’Let me ask you, Akira...Do the Altean soldiers fight bravely?’’ 

‘’As brave as Achilles’’ 

‘’Then may god bless them’’ 

. . .

After they felt satiated with the amount of tea they consumed and their conversation was dampened with the thought of the dead, Aurora had requested that he join her to see the library on the second floor. He knew the castle was big, but he hadn't even seen the staircase to the second floor library. She had informed him that it was somewhat of a secret, hidden behind a bookshelf in one of the far and unused rooms. The steps to it were stone, curved and more marmoran in appearance than the rest of the castle. It seemed it had been built with haste, possibly as an extension to the castle as the war became more of a threat to them directly. During one of their many battles, the Marmoran soldiers had managed to get right to the borders of the altean seas with little bloodshed, meaning only a boat ride separated about 500 soldiers from the McClain families definite demise. If They had only planned more carefully, and provided their soldiers with a boat, there wouldn't be a betrothal at all. He knew this room must be a way that the McClain family could ensure a more peaceful death rather than being ripped from life by the enemy with what would surely be a most dreadful manner. They had a very similar room back in Marmora for the very same purpose.. He felt it ironic, and rather discourteous, that Aurora would voluntarily show him this room, which seemed designed to be cloistered to keep him out. 

The door into the library was small and arched, and it held a little plaque in the center reading ‘’Deus nos protegat’’ or God protect us. At this point Akira could be sure it was more than just a simple library. The room itself was humble in size, and the only light coming from a yellow stained glass window on the eastern side. Similar to Lord McClains library office, these walls were lined with shelves holding books, but these books were loved, it was as if they were sent up here to keep the downstairs of the castle looking orderly. Each book was explored many times, the pages turned by loving hands so much that they were falling to pieces at the bindings, no lord McClain couldn't have that for all to see!

‘’Do you enjoy poetry, Akira?’’ Aurora had asked as he ran his fingers along the seams of one book in particular that caught his eye. ‘’The poetical works of Robert burns’’ The cover read, dated 1804. 

‘’I'm afraid i’ve never been too fond of books, my lady’’he said softly, flipping his fingers through the delicate pages. ‘’My father had the proclivity for reading’’

He paused and turned to her, the warmth of the yellow light highlighting the dust that danced through the air. ‘’I'm afraid i’ve not the patience.’’ he admitted with a simple smile.

‘’Did your father have a dearest poem?’’ She asked gently ‘’I only ask as Giovanna speaks of many books, you see.’’ 

‘’He was an admirer of the works of Poe I believe.’’ 

‘’Ah, one of gi’s most adored!’’ 

Her cheeks dimpled with a bright smile as she reached for a book not far from where she was standing. ‘’I do believe we have some of his works here’’ she announced, handing him the little, black leather bound book. He couldn't help but admire her swiftness in retrieving the book, she must have spent many hours exploring this room. 

As he brushed through the pages he noticed the scribbles of a lover of words. Little illustrations danced on the pages breathing life to otherwise monotonous print. 

‘’You may keep it if you like’’ She offered ‘’My gift to you’’

He knew he should decline, this book was loved by someone else. They had loved every page, explored each word and would likely miss it if it was gone. He hesitated, flipping the book in his hands as Aurora approached him. 

‘’Please, Take it’’ she insisted, placing her hands to his and encouraging them to wrap around its leather cover. 

How could he refuse after that.

. . .

His mother returned that afternoon, bringing the beginnings of a nasty storm alongside her. She had informed him that the tension between her and the altean people was unmistakable and stated that if she didn't know any better, she would have thought lord McClain to have kept their union a secret from his people. 

‘’Please keep your bed chamber locked, Akira.’’ She had said as a final statement, before retiring for a well deserved nap.

He feared she was keeping something from him, something sinister. An ambush? No, she would be obligated to tell him that as his safety would depend on it. Maybe one of the maids just liked to rummage through belongings. Yes, that must be it. 

. . .

Akira pushed off his dawning worries and headed for solitude at the stables. Lord McClain planned to hold a supper for everyone that night and an evening of pleasantries meant he would have to satiate the looming dogs that were licking their bloody lips with hunger. 

There were times when even the most reposeful of days became oppressive, and Akira hated those days the most. The days when his chest would tighten up and the night sky would seal off the stars and he would be trapped in a dome with no light until he could release himself. He knew better than to act on these feelings, but he also knew that not acting on them would make everything so much more complicated. 

As he stepped away from the light of the castle and made his way down the narrow path towards the stable, he played with the razor sharp edge of his dagger, dancing it around his fingers like it was part of his body. His father had owned this before him and his grandfather before that. He knew this dagger had passed through many hands and he was proud to be the one to hold it now, although he couldn't help but wonder if his ancestors held it with the same self defiling intentions as he did. Most likely not he thought, his father would write poetry when he felt hopeless and his grandfather turned to drinking and before that the older generation would take it out on their children or wives. He supposed all of them had their different way of coping, and this was his.

As he approached the stable, it stood lone and quiet and with the beginnings of thunder rumbling in the sky it only became more concealed. The horses had been taken to higher ground in preparation for the imminent flooding as the water overflowed the sea, and although Akira would not have minded the easy company of the McClain horses he was grateful for the peace. He felt safe here for no reason other than the seclusion. He also noticed that some of the stable was made from wood, and where it had been exposed to a constant incursion of water, it had begun to rot. The smell of rotting wood was homely to him, and as unpleasant as the smell may be for most, it brought him, at least, some comfort. 

As he sat against the hay, he ran his fingers down his torso, sliding his hands into the waistline of his trousers and pulling them down ever so gently as if he was tending to a newborn. He was never so sure why he was so gentle with himself, it felt as though his mind was the destructive entity and his body wanted nothing more than to be cradled tenderly as though he were a child. He took the dagger with his left hand and with an calloused and rehearsed movement he pressed the honed edge of the blade to the slither of paper like skin he had revealed. Letting his flesh split under the blade, he watches as his flesh splits under the knife and the redness of the blood that escapes never fails to surprise him despite the amount of times he has been exposed to it. The wound continues to fill with blood and then begins to trickle in lazy rivers down his leg and drip beautifully against the hay covered floor. With that one small cut his thoughts depressurise, the fog clears and he is free from those dogs who watch with no good intentions, at least for a little while. 

The rain fell heavy now, plummeting in sheets against the stable roof. His world of solitude was coming to an end as he knew he would be expected for supper soon. Yet he couldn't bring himself to stand, his legs sprawled straight out infront of him, dagger in one hand and his other pressed the black linen of his shirt against his wounds to stave off the blood flow. He couldn't remember the last time his hope was so depleted. 

\---

‘’There you are!’’ Krolia boomed as he walked through the double doors at the east entrance. She was dressed to suit the evening, adorning the pearl earrings his father had given her on their wedding day. 

‘’You are late, Akira.’’ she continued sternly ‘’Go upstairs and dress hastily…’’ 

He nodded swiftly, doing as he was told. 

\---

‘’You’re chefs seem to be rather enlightened with their flavours.’’ Krolia chimed in as their main meal was delivered. 

The meal was served on some sort of clear ice like glass with slivers of silver to outline the trim. Placed upon the plates seemed to be some rosy coloured meat with this green goo gracefully swirled beside it, and he wondered how his mother could sound so honest with such a blatant lie. Marmora was primal in their foods, they ate a lot of meat and starch and their meals were boring and flavourless. Simple foods that were proved to provide a great deal of energy and strength. Akira wouldn't consider himself a picky eater, no he had eaten far worse than this, and yet the way he noticed Leondre devouring his plate, he was rather concerned with the state of Alteans taste buds. 

‘’Naturally’’ Lord McClain replied cloaked with arrogance. 

‘’We have recently housed two guests from India, they spent a lot of time in the kitchen teaching our staff about spices’’ Leondre added swiftly. He was quick to nourish his father's statement with kinder intentions. 

‘’Well, i hardly think Indian spices could do much to add flavour to already flavoursome Altean cuisine!’’ Lord McClain guffawed Naively. His words boomed in the great hall and Akira could notice out of the corner of his eye the slight glances that were exchanged between the staff. 

The conversation fell quiet once more, and It seemed that Lord McClain was well versed with the art of creating tension in a room. The sound of forks scraping against their plates was loud in the huge echoey hall and the lack of conversation was rather alarming for a dinner party. The room felt as though at any moment Lord McClain would whip out his rapier and challenge Akira himself to a fight to the death.

From across the table his mother caught his eye, she was clever like that. She was able to hold whole conversations with just her eyes and right now they were encouraging him to take it upon himself to continue a dinner appropriate conversation. Her attempts at conversation so far this evening had been unsuccessful, though not from her lack of trying but through Lord McClains complete and utter hubris which cut her off at every turn. 

As he began to open his mouth to speak he was interrupted, delicately of course, from his right 

‘’I believed, Akira, you mentioned your father loved to read?’’ Aurora mentioned with a bright smile. ‘’Did he have many passions?’’ she asked as she took a sip from her wine glass which housed a purple liquid. A surprising array of colours was the Altean cuisine. 

Akira paused, glancing at his mother who wore a stony expression, one which he would often notice at the mention of his father. She never did like to talk about him, possibly because everything they had become he would have hated; cold, emotionally stunted fighters. Regardless, dead family members, who were dead from the actions the people in this very room, was poor dining conversation. 

‘’Indeed, he was a man of many loves.’’ Akira replied swiftly, keeping his disposition light.

‘’He must have been training you since you were a mere child’’ Lord McClain observed ‘’I hear you are a brilliant swordsman’’ He complimented, although through gritted teeth.

‘’My father wouldn't hurt a fly, he was opposed to this war for as long as i had known him.’’

‘’But surely, as a man he would have encouraged your way in this world as a warrior’’

‘’Indeed not, Lord Mclain, that was always my mother's talent. My father was a pacifist.’’ He stated

The conversation paused again. A civil dinner party was just never going to work.

Lady McClain let out a gentle breath, wiping her soft lips with the napkin before placing it on her plate with some finality. 

‘’Should we take a breather before pudding?’’ She asked gently, beginning to stand from her chair. 

Lord McClain swiftly placed his hand to hers, holding it against the table in what feigned gentleness but was most definitely not a kind gesture. Her face was sullen as she sunk back to her seat, looking so much smaller than she had looked before. 

Lord McClain turned his gaze to Akira and smiled, the kind of toothy smile that came before the most disgusting of comments or an allegation that would churn your stomach, but instead he said nothing. 

‘’What?’’ Akira spat. The table was quiet and the buzz of anger was unmistakable. 

‘’Pacifism is for the spiritless’’ he said monotonously. He couldn't have possibly said it with the intention of starting a fight, no leader in his right mind would purposely cause unrest between two families trying to make amends. But what purpose would his words serve if not possibly to cause a reaction from him?

‘’Spiritless?’’ Akira asked with indignation.

‘’Akira’’ 

‘’That is what you think of people who refuse to murder?’’

‘’Akira’’ 

‘’Your death will be a joyous one, but my father never warranted such a slaughter!’’ Akira shouted, reaching for something. Anything to throw or to shatter. 

‘’Akira, enough!’’ Krolia bellowed, standing from the table as the words flew from her lips, her hands on the white table cloth, holding her steady as she pushed herself away from the table and began towards the door. Her eyes were sorrowful and held tears that she wouldn't dare let fall until she was alone. 

‘’No, Akira is right. My father was wrong to speak ill of the dead.’’ leondre stated plainly, standing up and too making his way towards the door. His steps were calm and precise and Akira had never known such deliberate and immediate kindness. How many times had he had to apologize on behalf of his father? 

‘’Leondre, sit.’’ Lord McClain ordered.

‘’My apologies…’’ leondre continued, disregarding his father's words and opening the door for Krolia, allowing her to leave the room swiftly. Her silence was always worse than her wrath. Krolia did not wait for him. She did not wait to scold him nor to praise him for his loyalty. Instead he saw her walk away down the corridor and leave for her room without hesitation. 

Akira looked back towards Lord McClain who seemed unperturbed by the transpired conflict, he was leaning back in his chair, his hands interlocked with each other over his stomach and his judging eyes locked on where Akira stood. 

There was silence. Giovanna sat closer to her mother with her hands clinging girlishly to her mother's satin sleeve. Aurora was seated quietly beside him, her hands in her lap and her head to the ground. Was he feared? He had raised his voice in a room full of people who always considered him to be the antagonist. Was it now that Lord McClain's plan had been to demonize him? To prove to his family that this was indeed a war worth having. 

HIs heart was still heavy in his chest, and the air in the room was dense in his lungs, and he felt weighted with anger. His father had always taught him to think of the forest when he was on the edge of imploding, but now he thought of the ocean. The ongoing waves that dissipated into nothing as they flowed forward against the sand and the smell of salty air that would dance on his tongue. His mind was powerful and he imagined his thoughts of hatred dissipating with the waves. 

‘’I would ask you kindly not to mention my father, Lord McClain.’’ He said with authority. ‘’You see, I have not much practice with grief, despite many years of exposure to it. Much of the grief i have witnessed has not been my own. And as you sit behind the safety of the sea, I am sure you can't even begin to comprehend the sights of the frontlines. Perhaps if you were to view all the devastation, even you may decide in the pacifists favour.’’ He was shocked at his own calmness. His voice quivered and it was undeniably heard in the room and yet he didn't care. His vulnerability was in his favour, his emotions conveyed his honesty and perhaps made him look less threatening. 

He turned to leave, his steps heavy against the stone floor and his heart ached like the growing pains in your knees when you turned 12. 

He climbed the stairs slowly, one step at a time. He fears what was to come, he had ruined their arrangement. The marriage couldn't possibly go ahead now he had caused such a strain. To marry a woman when he couldn't even have one civil conversation with her father was surely not right. 

Nevertheless, once he got back to his room and ran the bath, the heat of the steam calmed his worries and yet he still found himself cutting his skin until he could no longer deny his fatigue. He found himself falling asleep still dressed in his bloody linen.


End file.
